The Long Road to Happiness

She finally found the strength to let go of the past. She no longer needed the fear which had haunted her for so long. She found a way to set her spirit free and followed the long road to happiness.  Allowing the past to wash away from her soul. With a promise of brighter days…..Livonne

There has been so much upheaval and trauma in my life and if you had told me seven years ago that I would one day know absolute peace and happiness, I would have called you crazy.  And yet, that’s where I find myself. At peace with my life and happy with where I find myself.

Little did I know when I entered a classroom in 2013 to study photography, that it would be the first steps on the road to happiness.  I had been trying to work my way back to happiness for years and the fact that I’d even considered doing a photography course says I had started making some progress.  But it was only when I started looking at life through the camera lens that really started to find myself.

Whilst I don’t create many self portraits as such, every image is a reflection of my life.  Each image has part of me and my story in it.  That has been incredibly healing and has turned out to be the road to happiness.  This image is perhaps one of the most telling I have ever made.  It is me!

 

 

Imagine a fairytale

Sometimes in the middle of an ordinary life, life gives us a fairytale….

I was thrilled to have had the opportunity to do a photoshoot with these gorgeous girls last month, just 5 weeks before their wedding.  Well yesterday was the day they said “I Do” to each other and started a new life together and now the adventure for them begins.

I knew I’d end up doing a mermaid image when I took a photo of them beside the pool.  The Little Mermaid has always been one of my favourite Disney movies.  Part of that is because of the music which I adore but there’s more than that.  I love mermaids.  I always have.  Mermaids and Unicorns.  I believed in them, in fact I still do.  Just because we’ve never seen proof, doesn’t make them not real.  Even if they are a figment of someone’s imagination, they are real and beautiful.

I’ve often been called a dreamer.  Mostly it was meant as an insult, but I now take it as a compliment.  The dreamers of the world hold so much power in their beautiful minds.  Imagination is the precursor to real life.  Someone imagined electricity,  phone, computers etc before they came into being and our lives are radically changed as a result.

We need to use our imagination everyday to imagine a new way of life.  Imagine what we could do if we all collectively imagined a world with no poverty, no war, no hatred, no climate change. Imagine a world where people are accepted for who they are with no judgement or prejudice.  Wouldn’t that be amazing?   To quote John Lennon.. Imagine all the people, living life in peace… Imagine, Imagine, Imagine.  We all need to imagine.

There was a song I heard when I was a very small child by Tom Clay, about the assassinations of Martin Luther King, Robert Kennedy and John F Kennedy.  It impacted me greatly on many levels as a small child but regardless of the trauma and grief in it, the words that impacted me most were these.  “Some people see things as they are and say why?  I dream things that never were and say why not.”  Those powerful words made me feel like I wasn’t alone in my dreamer world.

Someone once dreamed that you would be free to love whoever you wanted to love and yesterday proved how far that dream has come.  Isn’t the world amazing? We all know there is so much more to do, so many more wrongs to make right, but let’s celebrate each victory.  Let’s appreciate every dream that becomes a reality.  As Maya Angelou once said, “If you’re always trying to be normal, you’ll never know how amazing  you can be”.. Let’s stop living ordinary lives and start living our fairytale.  Imagine that!

Sometimes in the middle of an ordinary life, life gives us a fairytale.

 

 

Unlocking the Soul

She lived in a cage with the door wide open, never realising she could leave.  She craved freedom.  She longed to fly.  She desperately yearned to unlock her soul.  Then one day she realised that she had held the key in her hand all along.   She had only to  believe in her wings to carry her and to trust her dreams to guide her……….Livonne

When I gained my Diploma of Photo Imaging in 2014, I really had no idea what I wanted to do.  As I’ve spoken about in previous posts, I tried all sorts of the usual commercial photography options and found I really didn’t enjoy them.  I was at an age where I wanted to find that one thing that would enhance my life and not feel like a chore.  I had tried my hand at composite photography but really didn’t have the skills to make the images that lived in my head though I kept trying.

As I browsed the internet for inspiration, one particular artist’s name constantly appeared –  Brooke Shaden.  I loved her images.  Though they were a bit darker than I would normally be drawn to,  their beauty drew me in.  She was able to tell a story with one image.  The storyteller in me was enchanted.

I bought a few of her tutorials and learned so much about how to make a cohesive image out of many different photos.  She spoke about finding inspiration and textures and curves and all sorts of stuff that I was longing to learn.  Armed with the knowledge, I started to bring the images in my mind into reality.

I became quite voracious in my need to learn and went on to find many other artists who had different techniques and teaching styles.  I had never wanted to become a Brooke clone but rather to find my own style, however the inspiration I gained from her was invaluable.   A few months ago, I saw that with the sponsorship of Sony Alpha Female program, she was coming to Australia for a Promoting Passion 2019 workshop in Melbourne.

So last week, I headed down to attend the workshop.  It was fantastic being in a room with so many other like minded people and listening to Brooke speak about finding our passion and following our dreams.  The other guest speaker was Joel McKerrow who I was enthralled by.  An  award winner writer, poet and speaker, he held the audience in the palm of his hand with his awe inspiring prose and wisdom.

All in all it was a great day and I was so pleased I made the effort to go.  Although there were many highlights throughout the day, the image maker in me was thrilled to spy Brooke posing for some images on the other side of the room and I managed to head over and get a few shots.  Here is my favourite of the day.  It was appropriate for me that she had keys in her hand as it was her images that inspired me and her tutorials that unlocked the skills needed to bring my dreams to life.  It was an honour to finally meet her and even get a hug.  Thank you Brooke.

 

From the Depths

Because there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away…. Sarah Kay

Resilience is an amazing thing.  We speak of courage and of strength as  the most important characteristics a person can have whilst resilience can sometimes be seen by others, as desperation.  We’ve all seen them… the people who keeps trying and trying and never seem to get anywhere.   It can seem a bit sad, some might even regard it as pathetic,  because people only see the percieved failure… But it’s that resilience, that determination to brush oneself off, get back up and have another go that is the most important.

Yes, it takes courage to decide to try something new.  It takes strength to do it. But it’s resilience that will finally get you over the line.  It’s not easy to feel like you’ve failed at something just once but when you’ve failed time and time again, that really is confidence shattering.  The feeling that everyone is judging you and more often than not, they are.  But it’s the “I’ll give it one more try” person who will eventually succeed.  And when success comes, it tastes all the sweeter for the wait.

Thomas Edison is quoted as saying “I have not failed.  I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”.. That is what resilience is all about.  Over the years I’ve tried many things to find that one thing that will make my soul sing.  I sometimes despaired of ever finding it.  I was embarrassed when I failed at something else.  I have been laughed at and criticised.  I’ve had people tell me to my face that I should just give up or mocked what they considered to be “my latest thing”.  But I didn’t listen.  Oh it hurt, but I knew that in amongst the chaos and sadness of this life, there was something special that was my key to happiness.

I found it in making art.  I didn’t think that’s where I’d find it, but I have.  I’ve risen above the criticism and the chaos and have found my happy place.  When I’m making an image, I lose all sense of time.  I’m in a peaceful zone and I love it there.  I don’t do it for anyone’s approval.  It is my sanctuary. Just as the ocean continues to roll in and kiss the shoreline, only to be sent away everyday, I have persevered in my quest to find my soul purpose.  And trust me…. it tastes sweet.  When the world says “Give up!” hope whispers “Try one more time”.

From the Depths

 

A Whole New (Fairytale) World

She knew she couldn’t calm the storm, so she calmed herself.  She bravely turned her face to the skies and allowed it to carry her away.  She embraced it.  She accepted it.  She became one with it.   She was tossed and torn by it but never gave up.  She learned from it.  She survived. When it was over, she was thrown back into the water.  She knew she could never be the same again.  She didn’t want to be.  She had endured the tempest and won.  She faced tomorrow with strength and dignity……..Livonne

And it all came to this! This page has been very quiet over the last year or so.  It’s been a crazy time.  I started working on the story of my life, with all it’s twists and turns, in the form of a fairy tale back in 2016.

Whilst in the middle of planning the next chapters and making props and sculptures for it, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  During treatment and recovery I pushed on to finish all the photography I needed to build the images and am still finishing the editing on that.

And now, it’s only just over 2 months until exhibition, so the pressure is on to get everything organised to do it credit.  There are 6 chapters to this story and they deal with childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, grief over the loss of a child, mental illness, displacement of home and cancer.  Sounds gloomy doesn’t it?  But it’s really not.

Told in the form of a fairytale with each section having it’s own setting which explains what helped me get back up and keep going, it is full of hope.  It is a fully immersive exhibition where you get to walk through a story book and into new worlds.  There are lots of things to see, feel, original music to hear and lots of other experiences.

Hopefully the viewer will be left feeling inspired knowing that life can always get better and happiness is our birthright.  It is told as a fairytale as I have always identified with them.  They were my safe place as a child when awful things were happening and they are still my safe place today.

The dates of the exhibition are particularly significant.  It opens on May 1st which is my angel daughter’s 34th birthday and a year to the day since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It closes on 27th May which is the 24th anniversary of my angel daughter’s death.  These 27 days are usually hell on earth for me, full of sadness and ‘what ifs’.  This year they will be spent celebrating the roller coaster that has been my life, of which she has been such a huge part of.

My precious granddaughter was born on 31st May and from the day she was born I knew I had to make May a month of celebration again.  She deserves that and I know her angel auntie would say that’s exactly how it should be.  So the 27th of May this year closes the book of  unending grief and I begin a new story of celebration and hope.  The grief will never go away but it will be used to create rather than to destroy.

The exhibition will be held at Wild Valley Art Park which is located at 321 Blaxland Road Wentworth Falls NSW from 1st – 27th of May 2019.  It will be open Wednesday through to Sundays but appointments can be made on other days.  This is a brief video to give an idea of what to expect.  Special thanks to Nick from Filmclass Pictures for the fantastic video

Writing your own Happily Ever After – A story of survival & hope.

2018 The Year That Was

Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, “It will be happier.”

 

2018 has been a very mixed bag indeed.  I saw this year in with wonderful friends and the final sunset of 2017 was so magnificent, it felt like a promise of a new year filled with beauty and hope.

The following months were busy getting my From Fractured to Fairytale (first series) ready for exhibition.   Having been buoyed by the response from that, I started planning the rest of the series.  I was kicking goals and was in a really fantastic place, achieving all I wanted to. Then May happened.

May is always a month of mixed feelings for me.  My beautiful angel daughter Aimee was born on the 1st of May.. Mother’s Day is in the middle and I miss my Mum badly and then on the 27th of May is the anniversary of Aimee’s death.  Of course, my beautiful Granddaughter Amelia decided to join us in the last few minutes of May, so there are now new reasons to celebrate each year.

This May 1st, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It’s a hard enough day at the best of times, but getting that diagnosis on that day was a body blow that I was not expecting.  Still, as my son said, “you’ve lived through losing Aimee, you can live through this too”.. That gave me hope.

I was chosen for two artist-in-residences this year too though I had to turn one down due to it conflicting with my treatment.  I won first prize in Photography at the Blue Fringe Arts Prize which was a great thrill and have had work published.  I’ve created movie posters for film companies and had requests for commissions which mostly I’ve had to turn down, but was thrilled to be asked.  As difficult as the year has been, it’s also held a great deal of happiness and a promise of better times ahead.

So whilst this year, the amount of work I have completed is minimal compared to other years,  I have been happy with what I have achieved.  And to make the amount of work appear even more minimal is the fact that so much of what I  HAVE completed, I can’t show yet as it’s for exhibition in 2019 and I don’t want to spoil it.

Needless to say, this year’s collage is a smallish one, but never the less, I am pleased with what I have achieved in 2018, considering the challenges I’ve faced.   I’m thrilled with the images waiting to be exhibited too, which is something to look forward to.

Treatment is all out of the way and from now on, it’s onward and upward.  I still think 2018 has been a wonderful year and I’m so looking forward to 2019.  Bring it on I say.  So many more stories to tell and images to create..

A very happy new year to you all and thank you for  being here.  xxxx

 

Art DOES Alter Things

Art doesn’t alter things.  It points things out but it doesn’t alter them.  It can’t, no matter what a painter wants to do….. Arthur Boyd

Disagreeing with the amazing Australian artist, Arthur Boyd is something a mere pleb like myself wouldn’t usually do, but today I find myself questioning the above quote from the great man himself.  You see, today I feel that art DOES alter things..  It might not alter the landscape or environment, which meant so much to Mr Boyd, but I think it can alter people.  I am living proof of that.

Yesterday, the winners of  “artist in residence” opportunities at Bundanon,  Arthur and Yvonne Boyd’s magnificent property in NSW, were announced and I was one of the lucky recipients.  These five places were offered in conjunction with Accessible Arts and I am still having to go back to reread it just to make sure I really did read my name there.

I have undergone major surgery for breast cancer just a fortnight ago and am still facing radiotherapy.  I applied for this opportunity the night before I underwent the operation.  Perhaps it made me feel like I had something to look forward to.  I’ve had some really tough moments in the 8 weeks since I was diagnosed.  I doubted everything about myself.  I doubted my mortality.  I doubted my worthiness.  I doubted my talent.  I doubted me.  Yet amongst all the doubt,  some small voice inside my heart urged me on to apply, so I did.

Now here I am, at home recovering and I open an email to say I’ve been chosen as one of the recipients.  Suddenly my doubts start to disappear.  Of course I still have a long road ahead of me where the cancer treatment is concerned but I am feeling so positive about everything.  And you, Mr Boyd, are a huge part of the reason.  To have left this amazing property to enable artists to spend some time soaking in the same beauty that you did, is such a blessing to  me and, I’m sure, to every other artist across all genres who have been as privileged as I now find myself.

I can’t wait to get there and continue on with my series From Fractured to Fairytale.  The second part of the series is called “How Many Flicks Till The Fly Flew Away” and it explores domestic violence and how I found myself breaking free from it.  It will be told fairytale style just as the first part of the series was.

I’m so very grateful to be given this opportunity.  It’s spurring me on in my healing process to ensure I’m fine by the time I get there to immerse myself in the charm of the property.   I can’t wait to meet the other recipients and to see their processes and perhaps discuss their art practice.  I love watching the thought processes of other artists.  It is fascinating to watch creativity happening.

A huge thank you to Accessible Arts and the Bundanon Trust for this opportunity.  I am truly humbled by being chosen.  You would think that being an emerging artist at the age of 56 would limit your opportunities, but this hasn’t been the case for me and I don’t take that for granted.  I have always known my limitations.  Now I’m learning to defy them.  Art has helped me to do this.  Maybe Mr Boyd was right after all.  Perhaps it was always there, art has just pointed it out to me.    Life truly is good.

Surprisingly Serious Stuff

Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning, but for children play IS serious learning….

I love watching children at play.  They have such amazing imaginations.  They mimic adults but seem to cut through the crap until they’ve reached the truth inside.  Play is so important to a child’s growth.  It’s where they do the bulk of their learning.  We often forget that and see it as something to do when they aren’t doing the important stuff,  but it is, in fact, the MOST important stuff they can do.  It’s imperative to their progression. It’s how they make sense of the world.

A while ago, my great, great niece (now I feel old) and I had a few hours to  play, so we decided on dress ups and did some photos.  I was amazed at how easily she was able to mimic every emotion I suggested to her with such enthusiasm, I couldn’t stop laughing at some of the responses.  It was so much fun and here’s a kid with a good understanding of the world.

This is the result of “surprised”.  Maybe one day I’ll write the book to match the image.

On Gossamer Wings

Think of the happiest things.  It’s the same as having wings….Peter Pan

A while ago I went to a garage sale and saw the most gorgeous little gold dress.  I knew I had to have it.. It was a simple design but I knew it belonged on a faerie.  I didn’t see it as most people would…. I saw the gossamer wings that belonged on the back of it and the sparkles of faerie dust that would dance around it, making it sparkle in the sunlight.  It made me so happy to put it in my car and take it home.  I put it straight onto a mannequin so it could inspire me to create my faerie.

I met the lovely Annica and knew that this dress would be perfect on her.  So, along with Kirsty,  the best assistant in the world (and one hell of a sports photographer), we went to a little creek here in Katoomba and got our glitter on.  We climbed over rocks and sticks to get the right look and I have to say, when I’d finished I was thrilled with the result.  I changed the colour in one of the images and left it gold in the other.

It’s not always the big wins that make us the happiest.. Finding the perfect dress for a shoot may not be someone else’s idea of perfection but it is mine.  Sometimes it’s the smaller things that put the biggest smiles on our faces.  And thinking of the happiest things IS the same as having wings.  Yes indeed!!

On Gossamer Wings

Reflections